United Black Family Scholarship Foundation

A 501c3 Non Profit Organization

Rebuilding the Community from within the Community

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A Letter 2 Myself Twenty Years Young!

Often we find ourselves confronted with situations that, at times, provoke us to think desperate measures must be taken despite facing drastic consequences. During these troublesome times our options seem unattainable for whatever reasons. So we pay homage to choices that eventually land us back at square one with bigger problems to face.

This has been the story of my life, where the poor decisions I have made resulted from allowing my emotions and ignorance to get the best of me. Of course, a lack of self-restraint and esteem played a part as well.

Having spent close to two decades in prison, often I reflect on how my shortcomings influenced my decisions and thus created my reality. I look back at the young man I was 20 years ago and see a kid who was content with his decisions and focused only on the here and now. I was not concerned with the future enough to consider the impact of my choices on others or myself. I had a kill-or-be-killed mentality fueled by self-hatred. Needless to say, this prevented me from realizing the future was just before me yesterday, a month ago, and almost 20 years ago when I started this number which spun from a tragedy that would impact the lives of two families forever.

To say being sentenced to life without the possibility of parole has assisted me to put the future in perspective, would be an understatement. And to think, somehow, when I landed in prison I resolved not to allow my circumstance to affect me in a negative way. This has been a challenge to say the least considering I have spent the duration of my time in a maximum-security lockup where violence is commonplace. The struggle has been real. Everyday, I’m tested and like a gorilla I rise to beat my chest and put my best foot forward. I’m surviving the unthinkable, round after round.

Yet, I remain strong and of sound mind. I continuously study the struggle and have discovered where I was misguided. I work tirelessly to atone for my wrongs in a society more wrong than right.

Still, I am but one man who realizes I my demons and inner strength, and this old soul, is part of who I am. Still, it is with great humility that I appeal to our readers, as the founder of the United Black Family Scholarship Foundation, to assist us in this endeavor to provide opportunities to underserved communities in an effort to prevent the next tragedy from occurring.

To find out more about how you can assist this organization, check out our programs tab. And by all means DONATE whatever can. Thank you.

Ivan

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